Call off the Iowa Boycott
4 Apr
I’ve never been to Iowa. A couple of Bunnyblinks readers live there, and a few of my Madison friends are Hawkeyes (although they’re the sort of Hawkeyes who don’t generally identify with team mascots). That said, I realize that my never having been to Iowa might not be a big deal to many of you. It is.
I’ll admit I’ve always been attracted to the state. Maybe it’s Harkin. Maybe it’s that I’m a political junkie. As a kid, I remember admiring its eastern bump — the one Dubuque sits atop, shaped by the Mississippi River on Iowa’s border. But to this day, I’ve never set foot there. Why?
It was a matter of pride. The fact that one of the five United States I haven’t been to borders Wisconsin should tell you something about the extent of my grudge, which began when I was a kid. (I think I’d only been to, say, 27 states at the time the seeds of this grudge were planted). My parents loved subjecting us to road trips, which I’m sure I’ll finally be grateful for in three more years or so. On one trip (not, obviously, to Iowa), Mom was passing the time with one of her well-worn routines, slowly naming and counting each of the states she, Dad, my sister, and I had been to. She never lost count, nor did she ever seem to mind that we weren’t paying attention until, toward list’s end, she would invariably point out that my sister and I would’ve been tied at 27, but — gasp! — she’d been to Iowa and I hadn’t. Sure, she was only a baby at the time, riding behind Mom and Dad on the green Plymouth back-seat floor in those old-timey pre-car-seat days. I didn’t care.
At least that’s what I convinced myself. Today, I live some 80 miles from Iowa, as I have for over a decade, but that hasn’t broken my decades-long streak of expending lots of energy not caring that I haven’t been there (although most of this energy, I’ll admit, has been channeled into no more than a few dramatic moments). Once I even drove to the river, waved across in the general direction of Iowa’s bump at any Iowan who might see me, only to turn the car around and head home. True story.
When I read yesterday’s news, I knew it was time to call off the boycott. I’ll admit, Iowa was never all that bad. Still, it’s high time for a road trip. It’s the least I can do. No hard feelings?
Since you’re not from Iowa and have never been to Iowa I’ll point out that Mr. Smith and I are not really Hawkeyes. He grew up in Ames and both of us went to college at Iowa State Universtiy in Ames and that makes us Cyclones. Oddly enough the mascot for the University of Iowa is not a hawk’s eye (as I think it should be) but a hawk named “Herky.” The mascots at ISU are a pair of deformed cardinals named “Cy” and “Clone.”
I would never begrudge anyone who hadn’t been to Iowa. Heck, I’ve hardly been back in the 13 years since I left. It’s a nice place to grow up and, despite what folks might say, it is not really flat but rolling. If you grew up in the city you may find Iowa a bit dull as there really isn’t that much to do. But the people are nice and now with the court ruling there will no doubt be a surge in romantic weekend getaways into Iowa. As a friend said yesterday “screw Paris, I’m going to Le Mars!”
Aaron,
Thanks for sharing your Iowa knowledge. It’s clear I have much to learn, and I’m happy to now know a little more than I did. After all, I’d hate to make an ass out of myself at my first Iowa gay wedding reception.
Speaking of which, do you think Cy and Clone are now gonna formalize their relationship?
This tornado loves you!